6 Self-Care Practices For When You Miss Your Partner

Missing someone you love is one of the most universal yet deeply personal experiences we navigate as human beings. It’s that hollow feeling in your chest when you wake up and reach for them, only to find empty space. It’s the jokes you want to share but can’t in the moment. It’s the mundane Tuesday evening that feels incomplete without their presence.

Whether you’re in a long-distance relationship, your partner is traveling for work, you’re temporarily separated, or you’re simply apart for a few days, the ache of missing someone can be overwhelming. And here’s something not enough people talk about: missing your partner doesn’t make you needy, clingy, or codependent. It makes you human. It means you’ve built something real with another person, something substantial enough that their absence creates a tangible void.

But while missing your partner is normal and even healthy, it shouldn’t consume your entire existence or prevent you from functioning. This is where self-care becomes essential—not as a distraction or a way to pretend you don’t miss them, but as a practice that honors both your feelings and your wellbeing.

Related Post: 7 Ways To Make Reunions Less Awkward And More Amazing

As a relationship expert, I’ve worked with countless individuals struggling with separation from their partners. What I’ve learned is that the people who handle separation best aren’t those who suppress their feelings or keep themselves frantically busy to avoid them. They’re the people who acknowledge their emotions while simultaneously nurturing themselves with intention and compassion.

In this article, I’ll share six powerful self-care practices that will help you navigate the difficult terrain of missing your partner. These aren’t bandaid solutions or ways to eliminate your longing—that’s neither possible nor desirable. Instead, they’re strategies to help you hold space for your feelings while maintaining your mental health, personal growth, and overall quality of life.

These practices will help you transform missing your partner from something that diminishes you into something that, paradoxically, can deepen your sense of self and ultimately strengthen your relationship. Let’s explore how to take care of yourself when the person you love isn’t physically present.

Understanding the Psychology of Missing Someone

Before we dive into the specific practices, it’s important to understand what’s actually happening when you miss your partner. This isn’t just emotional poetry—there’s real psychology and neuroscience at work.

Your brain on separation: When you’re in a healthy, attached relationship, your brain releases oxytocin, dopamine, and other neurochemicals that create feelings of bonding, pleasure, and security. Your nervous system actually regulates itself partially through connection with your partner. When they’re absent, your brain experiences this as a kind of withdrawal, similar to (though less intense than) withdrawal from an addictive substance.

Attachment theory in action: Your attachment style significantly influences how you experience separation. Securely attached individuals can miss their partner while maintaining functionality. Anxiously attached people might experience heightened distress and rumination. Avoidantly attached individuals might minimize their feelings or create emotional distance. Understanding your attachment pattern helps you choose appropriate coping strategies.

The protest response: Sometimes when we miss someone, our nervous system activates what attachment researchers call the “protest response”—anxiety, restlessness, and an urge to reconnect. This is evolutionary wiring designed to keep bonded pairs together. Recognizing this as a biological response rather than a personal failing helps you respond with self-compassion.

Grief in small doses: Missing someone involves a form of temporary loss, which activates similar neural pathways as grief. This is why missing your partner can feel surprisingly intense—you’re not overreacting. Your brain is processing a form of loss, even though it’s temporary.

Understanding these mechanisms helps you approach self-care not as a way to “fix” your feelings, but as a way to support yourself through a legitimate psychological experience. Now, let’s explore the six essential self-care practices.

Practice 1: Create Intentional Rituals That Honor Your Connection

When you miss your partner, your instinct might be to either obsessively maintain contact or completely distract yourself from thoughts of them. Both approaches have drawbacks. Instead, I recommend creating intentional rituals that honor your connection without becoming consumed by absence.

Why rituals matter: Rituals provide structure, meaning, and a sense of control during times of uncertainty or discomfort. They transform amorphous feelings of missing someone into concrete, manageable practices. Rather than randomly scrolling through old photos at 2 AM and spiraling into sadness, you create a designated time and context for connecting with memories of your partner.

Morning connection rituals: Start your day with a brief ritual that acknowledges your partner. This might be drinking coffee from the mug they gave you while looking at a favorite photo, writing them a quick good morning message, or simply taking three deep breaths while thinking of something you appreciate about them. This grounds you in connection before you begin your day, satisfying some of that longing in a contained way.

Evening reflection practices: Create an evening ritual where you reflect on your day and share it with your partner. This might involve journaling about your experiences as if writing them a letter, recording a voice note about your day that you’ll send later, or simply spending five minutes before bed thinking about what you’d tell them if they were there. This maintains your sense of partnership even in separation.

Physical connection objects: Designate specific items as “connection objects”—maybe a piece of their clothing that still smells like them, a gift they gave you, or a shared object that represents your relationship. Interact with these objects during your rituals. The physical sensation activates memories and provides comfort. This isn’t childish; it’s using sensory input to regulate your nervous system.

Scheduled “date” times: Even apart, schedule regular times to connect—whether through video calls, phone conversations, or even synchronized activities like watching a show at the same time. Knowing you have these scheduled connections to look forward to reduces anxiety and gives structure to your days.

Boundaries around connection: Here’s the counterintuitive part: also establish boundaries. Decide how much time you’ll spend thinking about your partner, looking at photos, or engaging with memories. Maybe it’s 20 minutes in the morning and evening. This prevents rumination from taking over your entire day while ensuring you honor the relationship.

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Seasonal or special rituals: Create rituals tied to specific circumstances—maybe every Sunday morning you listen to “your song,” or every time you cook a meal they taught you, you send them a photo. These become anchors of connection that you can rely on.

The balance you’re seeking: The goal is to acknowledge your feelings and maintain connection without letting missing them prevent you from engaging fully with your present life. Rituals achieve this balance by giving your longing a healthy expression within defined boundaries.

Adjusting over time: Your ritual needs might change depending on how long you’re apart and what’s happening in your life. A three-day business trip might require lighter rituals, while a three-month separation might call for more elaborate practices. Adjust accordingly and don’t judge yourself for needing more or less connection at different times.

Practice 2: Engage Your Body Through Movement and Physical Self-Care

When you’re caught in the emotional experience of missing someone, it’s easy to forget you have a body. But your physical state profoundly impacts your emotional resilience. Engaging your body through intentional movement and physical self-care is one of the most powerful tools for managing difficult emotions.

The body-mind connection: Emotions aren’t just mental—they’re stored in your body. The tightness in your chest, the heaviness in your limbs, the tension in your shoulders—these are physical manifestations of missing someone. You can’t think your way out of these sensations; you have to move through them.

Exercise as emotional regulation: Physical activity releases endorphins, reduces cortisol (the stress hormone), and increases serotonin and dopamine—the same neurochemicals that partnered connection provides. You’re essentially giving your brain some of what it’s missing through movement. This isn’t about replacing your partner, but about supporting your nervous system through their absence.

Types of movement to explore: Different types of exercise serve different emotional needs. Cardiovascular exercise like running, cycling, or dancing releases pent-up energy and anxiety. Strength training provides a sense of control and accomplishment. Yoga and stretching release physical tension and promote mindfulness. Experiment to discover what serves you best when you’re missing your partner.

Outdoor movement: Whenever possible, move your body outside. Nature exposure significantly reduces stress and rumination. A 30-minute walk in a park does more for your mental health than 30 minutes on a treadmill indoors. The combination of movement, fresh air, sunlight, and natural surroundings provides multi-layered nervous system support.

Dance like nobody’s watching: Put on music—maybe music that reminds you of your partner, or specifically music that doesn’t—and move your body without judgment or structure. Dancing alone in your living room might feel silly, but it’s remarkably effective at shifting emotional states. Movement quite literally moves stuck emotions through your system.

Touch and physical self-care: Your body is also craving the physical touch it receives from your partner. You can’t fully replicate this, but you can provide your body with other forms of caring touch. Take long, hot baths or showers. Get a professional massage if that’s accessible to you. Use body lotion intentionally, giving yourself the kind of caring touch you’d offer someone you love. Wrap yourself in soft blankets. These aren’t substitutes for your partner’s touch, but they’re ways of honoring your body’s need for physical comfort.

The power of temperature: Temperature variations affect your nervous system powerfully. Cold showers or ice on your face activate your parasympathetic nervous system (the “rest and digest” mode), while warmth soothes and relaxes. When missing your partner feels overwhelming, sometimes a simple temperature change can interrupt the emotional spiral.

Body scan meditation: Lie down and mentally scan through your body, noticing where you’re holding tension related to missing your partner. Often you’ll find it in your chest, throat, or stomach. Breathe into these areas. Place your hand there. Acknowledge the physical manifestation of your emotional experience. This creates integration between your physical and emotional awareness.

Sleep as self-care: Missing your partner often disrupts sleep—you might be used to sleeping beside them, or anxiety about the separation keeps you awake. Prioritize sleep hygiene: consistent bedtime, cool room temperature, limited screens before bed, perhaps white noise or familiar sounds. Consider sleeping with something that smells like your partner if that provides comfort. Quality sleep dramatically improves your capacity to manage difficult emotions.

Nutrition matters: When distressed, people tend toward emotional eating or not eating enough. Both affect your mood and energy. Nourish yourself with intention. Prepare meals you enjoy. Stay hydrated. Notice if you’re using food to manage feelings, not as judgment but as information. Taking care of your physical needs is a form of self-respect that supports emotional resilience.

The long-term benefits: Building a consistent movement and physical self-care practice during separation doesn’t just help you cope—it establishes habits that strengthen you as an individual, which ultimately strengthens your relationship. You’re learning to self-soothe and self-regulate, skills that serve you throughout life.

Practice 3: Deepen Your Creative Expression and Solo Pursuits

Missing your partner creates a particular kind of space in your life—physical, temporal, and emotional. While this space might feel uncomfortable, it’s also an opportunity. One of the healthiest ways to navigate separation is to fill some of that space with creative expression and individual pursuits that you might not prioritize when your partner is present.

Why creativity helps: Creative expression provides an outlet for complex emotions that can’t always be verbalized. When you paint, write, make music, craft, or engage in any creative act, you’re channeling your feelings into something tangible. This transforms passive suffering into active creation, which fundamentally changes your relationship with difficult emotions.

Permission to begin: You don’t need to be “good at” anything creative for this to work. The point isn’t to create masterpieces; it’s to engage in the process of creation, which is inherently therapeutic. If you’ve never considered yourself creative, missing your partner might be the perfect time to explore that part of yourself.

Writing as processing: Journaling is one of the most accessible creative practices. Write letters to your partner you may or may not send. Write about your feelings, your day, your memories together. Write fiction that has nothing to do with your relationship. The act of translating internal experience into words on a page creates psychological distance and clarity. Research shows that expressive writing significantly improves emotional regulation and reduces intrusive thoughts.

Visual arts: Drawing, painting, collaging, or even adult coloring books engage different neural pathways than verbal processing. You don’t need to create representational art—abstract expression of colors and shapes that represent your emotional state can be profoundly cathartic. Create art about your feelings or deliberately create art about something completely unrelated as a form of positive distraction.

Music and sound: If you play an instrument, practice it. If you don’t, explore making music with free apps or simple instruments. Sing, even if you think you can’t. Create playlists that honor your emotional journey—not just sad songs, but songs that represent the full spectrum of your experience. Music is one of the most emotionally evocative art forms and can help you access and release feelings you’re struggling to express otherwise.

Physical crafts: Knitting, woodworking, pottery, jewelry making, gardening—activities that engage your hands and produce tangible results provide a sense of accomplishment and flow. When you’re absorbed in creating something with your hands, your mind often quiets, providing temporary relief from the constant awareness of missing someone.

Photography: Document your life while apart. Take photos of things that interest you, that remind you of your partner, or that represent this particular chapter of your life. Later, these will become powerful artifacts of your journey. The practice of paying attention to your surroundings through a camera lens also cultivates presence and mindfulness.

Learning new skills: Missing your partner creates time that would otherwise be spent together. Use some of that time to learn something you’ve always wanted to master. Take an online course, watch tutorials, practice a language, study a subject that fascinates you. This serves multiple purposes: it occupies your mind constructively, builds your sense of competence and growth, and gives you interesting things to share with your partner when you reunite.

Individual goals and projects: Pursue goals that are specifically yours, not couple goals. Maybe you want to reorganize your entire space, train for a race, learn to cook a particular cuisine, or research your family tree. Having projects that belong entirely to you maintains your individual identity within the relationship and ensures you’re growing as a person, not just as a partner.

The paradox of solo growth: Here’s something beautiful that happens: when you invest in your individual growth and creative expression during separation, you often return to the relationship with more to offer. You have stories to share, skills to teach, creations to show. Your time apart enriches the relationship rather than depleting it.

Balance is essential: This practice isn’t about replacing your partner or becoming so independent you don’t need them. It’s about honoring the multifaceted person you are—someone who exists both within a partnership and as a complete individual. Both identities can coexist and strengthen each other.

Sharing your creations: Consider sharing your creative work with your partner. Send them poems you’ve written, photos you’ve taken, drawings you’ve made. Invite them into this aspect of your solo experience. This maintains connection while respecting the individual growth you’re cultivating.

When reunion comes: The creative practices and skills you develop during separation don’t have to end when you’re back together. They can become an ongoing part of your life, something you maintain even in togetherness. This prevents you from completely losing yourself in the relationship—a common pitfall that separation teaches you to avoid.

Practice 4: Cultivate Your Social Support System and Community

When you miss your partner, especially if they’re your primary source of social connection and emotional support, it’s tempting to withdraw from others. But isolation makes missing them exponentially harder. One of the most crucial self-care practices is deliberately nurturing your broader social connections and community.

Why social connection matters: Humans are inherently social beings. While your partner might be your primary attachment figure, your psychological wellbeing depends on a network of relationships, not a single person. When your partner is absent, your other relationships become even more important for emotional regulation, perspective, and belonging.

The danger of partner-centric social lives: Many people, particularly in newer or very intense relationships, gradually narrow their social world to almost exclusively include their partner. This creates vulnerability—when your partner is unavailable, you have no social safety net. Missing your partner is an opportunity to rebuild or strengthen your broader social connections.

Reach out deliberately: Don’t wait for others to invite you. Take initiative. Text friends you haven’t seen in a while. Suggest specific plans rather than vague “we should hang out sometime” statements. People are often delighted to hear from you and just needed someone to make the first move.

Quality over quantity: You don’t need dozens of social interactions. One meaningful coffee date with a close friend does more for your wellbeing than five superficial hangouts. Seek depth. Have real conversations. Share what you’re going through (missing your partner) rather than pretending everything is fine.

Different friends for different needs: Your social support system should be diverse. You need friends who provide fun and laughter, friends who can sit with you in difficult emotions, friends who challenge you intellectually, friends who share specific interests. When missing your partner, engage different friends for different aspects of support you need.

Group activities and communities: Join group activities—fitness classes, book clubs, hobby groups, volunteer organizations. These provide regular social structure and a sense of belonging to something larger than your romantic relationship. They also introduce you to new people who don’t know you exclusively as half of a couple.

Family connections: If you have positive family relationships, deepen them. Call your parents, siblings, or extended family more regularly. These connections often get deprioritized when we’re with our partners. Missing them is an opportunity to strengthen family bonds.

The healing power of laughter: Prioritize time with friends who make you laugh. Laughter is physiologically healing—it reduces stress hormones, releases endorphins, and shifts your perspective. When you’re heavy with missing someone, laughter provides necessary lightness.

Be honest about your feelings: You don’t have to pretend you’re not missing your partner or struggling with their absence. Real friends can hold space for your difficult feelings while also helping you maintain perspective and functionality. Vulnerability deepens friendships and allows others to support you authentically.

Boundaries around venting: While honesty is important, be mindful not to make every interaction about missing your partner. This can exhaust your friends and keep you stuck in rumination. Maybe designate certain friends as people you can fully vent to, while with others you focus on enjoying activities and maintaining lighter conversation.

Single friends vs. coupled friends: Both types of friendships offer different things. Single friends might relate to independence and individual pursuits. Coupled friends might understand relationship dynamics and provide relationship perspective. Maintain balance between both.

Digital community: Online communities, whether on social media, forums, or apps, can provide support, especially if you’re in a long-distance relationship or situation where many people don’t understand. Finding others navigating similar situations reduces isolation and provides practical strategies.

Service and contribution: Volunteer work or helping others redirects your focus outward. When you’re serving others, you naturally think less about your own discomfort. This isn’t avoidance—it’s perspective. It reminds you that you’re part of a larger human community with the capacity to contribute meaningfully.

The counter-intuitive truth: When you invest in your social network during separation from your partner, you’re actually strengthening your romantic relationship. You’re reducing the pressure on your partner to meet all your needs, maintaining your individual identity, and ensuring you don’t become codependent. You return to your partner as a more whole, balanced person.

After reunion: Continue maintaining these friendships and community connections even when your partner returns. A healthy relationship exists within a broader social ecosystem, not in isolation. The practices you develop during separation should become ongoing habits.

What if you don’t have a strong social network? If you’ve realized during this separation that your social support is weak, that’s important information. Use this time to deliberately build it. Start small—one coffee date with an acquaintance you’d like to know better, one group activity you attend weekly. Building community takes time, but it’s one of the most valuable investments you can make in your wellbeing.

Practice 5: Practice Mindfulness and Emotional Acceptance

When you miss your partner, your mind often does two things that increase suffering: it replays memories of times together (ruminating on the past) or worries about the future (catastrophizing about the relationship or separation). Meanwhile, you’re barely present in your actual current experience. Mindfulness—the practice of present-moment awareness—is a powerful self-care tool that reduces suffering while honoring your feelings.

Understanding mindfulness: Mindfulness isn’t about emptying your mind or stopping thoughts about your partner. It’s about changing your relationship with those thoughts and feelings. Instead of being consumed by missing them, you notice that you’re having the experience of missing them. This subtle shift creates space between you and your emotions, reducing their overwhelming quality.

The acceptance component: Mindfulness includes acceptance—not in the sense of liking or wanting your situation, but in the sense of acknowledging reality as it is. Fighting against the fact that you miss your partner or trying to suppress those feelings paradoxically makes them stronger. Acceptance allows feelings to move through you rather than getting stuck.

Basic mindfulness practice: Start with just five minutes daily. Sit comfortably, close your eyes, and focus on your breath. When thoughts about your partner arise (and they will), simply notice them—”I’m thinking about them”—and gently return attention to your breath. You’re not trying to stop the thoughts; you’re practicing the skill of noticing them without following them down a rabbit hole.

Body scan for emotions: When waves of missing your partner hit, try this: pause, close your eyes, and scan your body. Where do you feel the emotion physically? Chest? Stomach? Throat? Breathe into that area. Name what you’re feeling: “This is longing” or “This is sadness” or “This is anxiety.” This creates what psychologists call “affect labeling,” which actually reduces the intensity of emotions.

RAIN practice: This is a mindfulness technique specifically for difficult emotions. When you’re overwhelmed by missing your partner, practice RAIN: Recognize what you’re feeling, Allow it to be there without fighting it, Investigate with curiosity (What does this feel like? Where is it in my body? What story am I telling myself?), and Nurture yourself with compassion (What do I need right now? How would I comfort a friend feeling this way?).

Present moment anchors: Throughout your day, create moments of deliberate presence. When washing dishes, really feel the water temperature and soap texture. When eating, truly taste your food. When walking, notice the sensations in your feet. These practices train your brain to exist in the present rather than constantly wandering to thoughts of your absent partner.

Mindful missing: Here’s a counterintuitive practice: instead of distracting yourself from missing your partner, sometimes deliberately and mindfully feel it. Set a timer for five minutes. Sit with the feeling of missing them. Notice everything about it—the physical sensations, the thoughts that arise, the quality of the longing. By giving it your full attention for a contained time, you often find it loses some of its power over you.

Self-compassion practices: Kristin Neff’s self-compassion research shows that treating yourself with kindness during difficulty significantly improves wellbeing. When you’re struggling with missing your partner, place your hand over your heart and say something like, “This is really hard right now. Missing someone you love is painful. I’m not alone in feeling this—many people experience this. May I be kind to myself in this moment.”

Thought defusion: Cognitive defusion is a mindfulness technique where you create distance from thoughts by changing how you relate to them. Instead of thinking “I can’t stand being apart from them,” say “I’m having the thought that I can’t stand being apart from them.” This subtle language shift reminds you that thoughts are mental events, not absolute truths.

Gratitude alongside grief: Mindfulness allows you to hold seemingly contradictory feelings simultaneously. You can miss your partner and feel grateful for the relationship. You can feel sad about separation and appreciate the opportunity for personal growth. You can long for their presence and enjoy your current experience. Both/and, not either/or.

Mindful communication: When you do connect with your partner, practice mindful presence. Put away your phone. Make eye contact on video calls. Listen fully to what they’re saying instead of planning what you’ll say next. Quality of connection matters more than quantity, and mindfulness enhances quality.

Meditation apps and resources: If you’re new to mindfulness, apps like Headspace, Calm, Insight Timer, or Ten Percent Happier offer guided meditations specifically for dealing with difficult emotions, relationship issues, and anxiety. Start with beginner content and be patient with yourself—meditation is a skill that develops over time.

When emotions are overwhelming: Sometimes missing your partner might trigger deeper issues like anxiety, depression, or unresolved attachment wounds. If mindfulness practices consistently feel too difficult or if your emotions feel unmanageable, consider working with a therapist. Mindfulness is powerful, but it’s not a substitute for professional help when needed.

The long-term benefit: Mindfulness skills you develop while missing your partner serve you far beyond this situation. You’re learning emotional regulation, self-soothing, and present-moment awareness—capacities that improve every aspect of your life and make you a better partner when you’re reunited.

Balancing acceptance and action: Mindfulness and acceptance don’t mean passive resignation. You can accept that you miss your partner while also taking action to care for yourself, maintain connection, or work toward ending the separation. Acceptance is about reality, not about giving up on change.

Practice 6: Establish Healthy Routines and Structure Your Days

When you’re used to building your day around your partner’s schedule, presence, and needs, their absence can leave your days feeling shapeless and unmotivating. One of the most underrated self-care practices is creating intentional structure and healthy routines that support your wellbeing during separation.

Why structure matters psychologically: Routine and structure reduce decision fatigue, provide predictability during uncertain times, and create a sense of normalcy and control. When your emotional life feels chaotic because you miss your partner, having external structure can be stabilizing. It’s the scaffolding that holds you up when you don’t feel particularly strong.

Morning routines set the tone: How you start your day significantly impacts your mood and resilience. Create a morning routine that sets you up for success. This might include waking at a consistent time, hydrating, moving your body, eating a nourishing breakfast, and engaging in a brief positive practice like gratitude journaling or reading something inspiring. When your partner is absent from your morning routine, deliberately fill that space with practices that nurture you.

Work or daily activity structure: If you’re working, maintain clear boundaries between work time and personal time. When your partner isn’t there to provide natural transition points (like coming home to them), you need to create those transitions deliberately. Maybe it’s changing clothes, taking a walk, or having a specific end-of-workday ritual.

Evening routines prevent spiraling: Evenings are often when missing your partner feels most acute—it’s typically when couples spend time together. Create an evening routine that acknowledges this tender time while providing structure. This might include preparing and eating a real meal (not just snacking in front of the TV), engaging in a hobby, connecting with friends or family, reading, and a wind-down ritual before bed.

The importance of sleep schedule: Disrupted sleep compounds every other difficulty. Maintain a consistent sleep schedule even when your partner isn’t there. If you typically go to bed together, that routine is disrupted, which can affect your sleep. Create a new temporary sleep ritual—maybe reading, gentle stretching, or listening to calming music before bed at a consistent time.

Meal planning and eating well: When you’re alone, it’s easy to skip meals or eat poorly. Decide in advance what you’ll eat for the week. Prepare ingredients. Make cooking enjoyable—put on music, try new recipes, or call a friend while you cook. Nourishing your body is a fundamental form of self-respect and self-care.

Movement as routine: Schedule exercise or movement into your day like an unmissable appointment. Having this structure ensures you’re taking care of your physical health even when you don’t feel motivated. The routine carries you through times when willpower is low.

Social connection schedule: Put social activities on your calendar. Don’t leave connection to chance or last-minute impulses. If you know you tend to isolate when sad, schedule regular friend dates, family calls, or group activities. The structure ensures you maintain social connection even when your natural inclination might be to withdraw.

Creative time blocks: If you’ve committed to creative practices (from Practice 3), schedule specific times for them. Maybe Tuesday and Thursday evenings are for writing, or Sunday morning is for painting. Structure makes creative practice more likely to happen consistently.

Digital boundaries: Create structure around technology use, especially regarding contact with your partner. Decide when you’ll check messages, how often you’ll initiate contact, and when you’ll have device-free time. Constantly checking your phone for messages increases anxiety and prevents presence. Structure reduces this compulsive behavior.

Weekly planning ritual: Every Sunday (or whatever day works), spend 30 minutes planning your week. Review what worked last week, what didn’t, and how you want to structure the coming days. This provides a sense of agency and intentionality.

Flexibility within structure: The goal isn’t rigid adherence to schedules but rather having a framework that supports you. If a friend invites you out during your planned creative time, it’s fine to be flexible. Structure serves you; you don’t serve the structure.

Comforting rituals: Beyond functional routines, create rituals that simply comfort you. Maybe it’s your Saturday morning coffee in a favorite cafe, your Tuesday night bath, or your daily evening walk. These become anchors of stability and pleasure during uncertain times.

Maintaining relationship routines: If you and your partner have certain routines you do together (like Sunday phone calls, watching a show at the same time, or sharing daily photos), maintain these during separation. They provide continuity and connection across the distance.

What to avoid: While structure is helpful, be cautious about using busyness as avoidance. If your routine is so packed that you never have a moment to feel your feelings, that’s not healthy structure—it’s avoidance. Your routine should support you, not numb you.

Adjusting to reunion: When your partner returns, you’ll need to renegotiate routines and structure. The individual routines you developed during separation don’t have to completely disappear—some might become permanent parts of your life that you maintain even in togetherness. This prevents you from completely losing your individual rhythm when reunited.

The deeper purpose: These routines aren’t just about filling time or staying busy. They’re about honoring the fact that your life continues even in your partner’s absence. You’re demonstrating to yourself that you’re worthy of care, structure, and intentional living whether your partner is present or not. This autonomy ultimately makes you a healthier, more whole person and partner.

Building long-term resilience: The ability to create supportive structure for yourself is a life skill that extends far beyond missing your partner. You’re learning self-regulation, self-care, and self-direction—capacities that serve you in every challenging circumstance you’ll face.

Integrating These Practices Into Your Daily Life

Having six distinct self-care practices is valuable, but the real power comes from integrating them into a cohesive approach to managing separation from your partner. Let’s talk about practical implementation.

Start small and build: Don’t try to implement all six practices perfectly from day one. Choose one or two that resonate most strongly, establish those as habits, then gradually add others. Sustainable change happens incrementally, not through dramatic overnight transformations.

Create a self-care plan: Write down specifically what you’ll do from each category and when. For example: “I’ll start each morning with a five-minute connection ritual (Practice 1), move my body for 30 minutes three times weekly (Practice 2), spend Tuesday evenings on creative writing (Practice 3), schedule one friend hangout weekly (Practice 4), practice five minutes of mindfulness before bed (Practice 5), and maintain my morning and evening routines (Practice 6).” Having a written plan makes it real.

Track without judgment: Consider keeping a simple check-in journal. Each evening, briefly note which practices you engaged in and how you felt. This isn’t about perfection or self-criticism—it’s about awareness and pattern recognition. You’ll notice what works best for you personally.

Adapt to your situation: These practices should be modified based on your specific circumstances. If you’re apart for just a few days, your approach will be lighter than if you’re separated for months. If you’re working demanding hours, you’ll need simpler versions of these practices than if you have more free time. Customize everything to fit your actual life.

Communicate with your partner: Share what you’re doing to take care of yourself during separation. This serves multiple purposes: it keeps them informed about your life, it might give them ideas for their own self-care, and it demonstrates that you’re actively managing the situation rather than just suffering through it. Healthy partners appreciate and support your self-care practices.

Budget for self-care: Some of these practices might require financial investment—gym memberships, art supplies, therapy, massage, social activities. If budget is a concern, prioritize free or low-cost options: outdoor exercise, library books, free online resources, nature time, at-home creative practices, and free community events.

Prepare for difficult days: Some days will be harder than others. Anticipate this and prepare. Maybe keep a “self-care emergency kit”—a list of specific actions you can take when missing your partner feels overwhelming. This might include calling a specific friend, taking a hot bath, watching a favorite comfort show, or going for a walk. Having a plan prevents paralysis during difficult moments.

Celebrate your efforts: Acknowledge yourself for taking care of yourself during a difficult time. This isn’t easy work. You’re choosing to be active rather than passive in your own wellbeing. That deserves recognition, even if it’s just internal acknowledgment of “I’m doing a good job handling this.”

When Missing Your Partner Reveals Deeper Issues

Sometimes the intensity of missing your partner isn’t proportional to the length or circumstances of separation. If you find yourself completely unable to function, experiencing symptoms of depression or severe anxiety, or if missing them triggers intense abandonment fears, this might indicate deeper psychological issues that need professional attention.

Anxious attachment and separation: If you have an anxious attachment style, separation from your partner can trigger profound distress that feels life-threatening even when logically you know it’s temporary. This isn’t weakness—it’s your attachment system in overdrive. Therapy, particularly approaches like Emotionally Focused Therapy or EMDR, can help heal these attachment wounds.

Codependency concerns: If you feel like you literally cannot function without your partner, if your entire identity and wellbeing depend on them, or if you’re unable to make decisions or enjoy anything in their absence, these are signs of codependency. The self-care practices in this article will help, but professional support might be necessary to address underlying issues.

Depression and anxiety: Sometimes missing your partner can trigger or exacerbate mental health conditions. If you’re experiencing persistent low mood, loss of interest in activities, significant appetite or sleep changes, or overwhelming anxiety, these are clinical symptoms that require professional treatment, not just self-care.

Trauma responses: For some people, separation from a partner triggers trauma responses related to past losses, abandonment, or attachments. If you find yourself having flashbacks, panic attacks, or disproportionate emotional reactions, this might be trauma activation that needs specialized treatment.

When to seek help: If self-care practices aren’t adequately supporting you, if missing your partner is significantly impairing your functioning for extended periods, or if you’re having thoughts of self-harm, reach out to a mental health professional. There’s no shame in needing additional support.

The Hidden Gifts of Missing Someone

While this article focuses on managing the difficulty of missing your partner, there are unexpected gifts that can emerge from this experience when approached intentionally.

Deepening appreciation: Absence makes the heart grow fonder isn’t just a cliché—it’s psychologically true. Time apart can help you see your partner with fresh eyes, remember why you chose them, and appreciate aspects of the relationship you might take for granted in daily proximity.

Individual growth: The time and space created by separation allows for personal development that might not happen as easily when you’re together. You’re forced to rely on yourself, develop self-soothing capacities, and maintain your individual identity—all of which ultimately strengthen you as a person and partner.

Relationship clarity: Distance provides perspective. Sometimes missing someone reveals how right the relationship is. Other times, it reveals incompatibilities or issues that proximity obscured. Both are valuable information.

Communication skills: Navigating separation requires deliberate, intentional communication. You’re forced to verbalize things you might otherwise express through physical presence or assumed understanding. These communication skills serve your relationship long after you’re reunited.

Resilience building: Successfully navigating time apart builds confidence in your relationship’s ability to withstand challenges. You’re proving to yourselves that your connection isn’t entirely dependent on physical proximity—it’s rooted in something deeper.

Final Thoughts: Self-Care as an Act of Love

Taking care of yourself when you miss your partner isn’t selfish—it’s one of the most loving things you can do, both for yourself and for your relationship. When you return to your partner as someone who has nurtured, developed, and cared for themselves during separation, you bring more to the partnership.

You demonstrate that while you love them deeply and miss them sincerely, you’re not diminished by their absence. You’re a whole person capable of managing difficult emotions, maintaining your wellbeing, and continuing to grow. This is the foundation of a healthy relationship—two complete individuals who choose each other, not two incomplete people who need each other to survive.

These six self-care practices—creating connection rituals, engaging your body, pursuing creative expression, nurturing social connections, practicing mindfulness, and establishing healthy routines—aren’t meant to eliminate the pain of missing someone you love. That pain is evidence of real love and connection. Instead, these practices help you hold that pain without being consumed by it, to honor your feelings while also honoring your own wellbeing.

Missing your partner will likely never feel good. But with intentional self-care, it can become bearable, even transformative. You can miss someone deeply while simultaneously living fully. You can long for their presence while appreciating your own. You can honor the relationship while also honoring yourself.

The separation you’re experiencing is temporary, but the self-care skills you’re developing will serve you forever. Use this time wisely. Take care of yourself with the same compassion and intention you’d offer your partner. And trust that when you’re reunited, you’ll return not just as someone who survived the separation, but as someone who grew through it.

You’ve got this. And even though they’re not physically present, you’re not truly alone. You have yourself, and with the right practices, that can be enough to carry you through until you’re together again.